Signora di 86 (o 98) anni umilia il direttore della sua banca


Va be’, ma qui siamo all’ABC delle bufale!
La storiella circola perlomeno dal 1999, secondo quanto ha trovato Snopes. L’originale sarebbe un pezzo giornalistico pubblicato da Peter Wear, intitolato “You Can Bank on My Account, Old Chap”. La storiella era satira, poiché tante delle critiche mosse al sistema bancario possono trovare riscontro nella realtà.
Qui ve la riporto in una delle sue versioni in inglese:

Below is an actual letter sent to a bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, prerecorded faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will, therefore and hereafter, no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete.
I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. Press buttons as follows:
1.- To make an appointment to see me.
2.- To query a missing payment.
3.- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4.- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. -To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6.- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7.- To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated at a later date to the Authorized Contact.
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.
The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever-so-slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client

Quindi sì satira, ma comunque fuffa: di quella che dovrebbe subito porre interrogativi a chi invece la spaccia per buona. Si sostiene che sia stata pubblicata sul New York Times, ma l’originale è scritta in inglese britannico. Come mai non viene citato alcun nome, neppure della Banca a cui ci si rivolge?

Come dicevo, siamo all’ABC. Come tentavamo di ricordarvi nella seconda parte del manuale:

Bisogna sempre ricordarsi che esistono le 5 W del giornalismo, che sono preziose in questi casi:

  • WHO («Chi»)

  • WHAT («Che cosa»)

  • WHEN («Quando»)

  • WHERE («Dove»)

  • WHY («Perché»)

Mancano queste 5 W? L’articolo puzza di bufala anche senza bisogno di fare ricerche. Non è MAI da condividere impulsivamente!
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